‘We were all telling the same story:’ Devoted Mother of Four, Maureen Harvey, Shares Her Experience at the Growth Through Grief Retreat

When Maureen Harvey’s son, Jay, first began struggling with substance use disorder as a teenager, she said she took the approach that she sees in so many parents today:

“I thought, like everyone else, ‘If I just go to this meeting, I’ll find a resource and get him help. They can fix it immediately,’” said Maureen. “I learned it’s not that easy to fix.”

In 2015, Jay passed away at 39 years old, following many years of struggling with what Maureen came to understand was a disease he could not control.

“Jay cared deeply for other people,” said Maureen. “He wouldn’t have wanted to see anyone going through what he was going through.”

Maureen says a pivotal turning point in her healing was when she discovered Catholic Charities Boston’s Recovering Connections program, which provides retreats, counseling, support groups, and case management for those with loved ones affected by addiction.

The year after Jay passed away, Maureen attended Catholic Charities Boston’s Growth Through Grief retreat for mothers who have lost children to substance use disorder.

“The support from the group was unbelievable,” she said. “I couldn’t believe that we were all telling the same story: all the ups and downs you go through, thinking it’s all going to be okay because they’re in recovery, and then there’s a slip. I remember hearing women share their experiences and thinking, ‘That’s my story.’”

Since then, Maureen has attended the Growth Through Grief retreat almost every year. From forging new connections, to enjoying prayerful morning walks, to sharing dinner with women who have walked in her shoes, Maureen say the retreats have been deeply restorative for her, providing her with a supportive community of women she knows she can always lean on.

“I thank God every day that I have the support I do,” said Maureen. “During the time I’ve needed it the most, there have always been family and friends here for me.”

Above all, Maureen’s most steadfast support system is her faith, quietly giving her strength each day and guiding her to channel her experiences into helping other parents whose children have been affected by substance use.

Over the past decade, Maureen became an active member of the Massachusetts Organization for Addiction and Recovery, which aims to spread awareness of the disease and support individuals in recovery.

“I learned so much about the disease during my time in MOAR,” said Maureen. “And it gave me such joy to see people in recovery doing well.”

This November marks nine years since Jay’s passing, and yet, not a day goes by that Maureen does not think of him. Sometimes, it is the most ordinary of details which remind her of the vibrant and caring person Jay was.

“One time, I had a new desk that I needed to put together,” Maureen said. “And Jay said to me, ‘Mom, don’t worry. I’ll do it.’ He came over and was so precise. When something didn’t fit, he took it apart and started again. It’s not a special desk, but it’ll be with me for the rest of my life.”

Maureen said she and her three adult children still talk about Jay, and about her husband, who passed away a few years ago, all the time.

“We always say, ‘The two of them are with God now. I know they are together up there.”

For more information regarding the Catholic Charities Recovery Connections programs or counseling services, please visit ccab.org/counseling.